“Putting a Price on Love” is a post by Adina J in which she shares some random musings about our love affairs with consumerism. ALSO TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF THE TF FIRST ANNIVERSARY GIVEAWAY SO ENTER NOW!!!!CAPSLOCK!!1! |
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Just in time for Valentine’s Day, RateSupermarket.ca did a very unromantic thing: it put a price on love. To be precise, a price on the (dare I say it?) typical, modern romance – year-long courtship, year-long engagement, wedding; at the end of it, the lucky “average” couple gets to walk into the sunset almost $45K poorer. I don’t know about love being blind; it’s certainly expensive going by the numbers shared by RSM. A wardrobe makeover in the first year of dating, worth just under $1,000, with another $6,000 or so spent on dates and other miscellaneous incidentals. A $3,500 ring, followed by a $2,000 engagement party. To top it off, a $27,000 wedding. And these are averages, people.
It boggles the mind. Assuming the couple splits everything 50/50, that’s over $11K per person per year in completely discretionary (after tax) income. On a $50,000 gross income, we’re talking about a quarter of the individual’s take-home pay spent on things that are almost entirely consumables with no lasting tangible benefits (like $160 dinners and $1,300 wedding flowers). That’s just the beginning. You’ve got a house, new cars, babies, and a whole world of pain still to come. No wonder Canadians’ average non-mortgage debt is $27,485. An average Canadian’s life, from the day they step into university, is just one big hamster wheel of debt.
How does one get off this proverbial wheel? Never getting on it in the first place is ideal, but that ship has sailed for my generation (that would be the youngest end of Gen X, by the way). The next best thing is to take stock of what matters to you personally. We are constantly bombarded with “oughts” that somehow become “wants” and finally transform into “needs”. I’d posit that at least half of the average person’s “needs” would be hard to rationalize based on impartial analysis. Here’s a random example; if you’ve spent more than a couple of hours watching HGTV, you will know that one of the top “must-haves” in a property (for house-horny virgins and seasoned homeowners alike) is the extra “guest” bedroom. I would wager that, 9 times out of 10, none of those people have actual guests stay at their house for more than a few weekends in any given a year. Is the inconvenience of having the couch in your living room (or family room, or den, or bonus room, or basement) occupied a few days at a time worth the extra $20,000? The re-sale value is better, they say – because everyone just “knows” that a guest bedroom is simply a “must”. Wow, another hamster wheel.
Have you ever walked into a fancy store, only to have the salesperson look you up and down and turn away? Has that ever made you feel like you just need to show that so-and-so that, by God, you do have enough money to blow $75 on a novelty egg timer, thankyouverymuch? For some people, life is an endless cycle in which they re-hash their social inferiority complex. Advertisers love these hamsters, because there isn’t an “ought to” out there that they could refuse. Nothing is spared – from their bodies (your teeth ought to be three shades more blinding than anything seen in nature), to their houses (the appliances ought to match), to their relationships (you ought to spend three months’ salary on her ring). The capitalist system is wonderful, but the breadth and variety of goods and services it produces mean that the “oughts” never end. As a result of such poor decisions, the debt never really goes away, either.
“Ah,” you might say, “life would be so much easier without the oughts.” Wishful thinking; the oughts will always be there. The only variables you can change are (1) how much control you exert over your decisions and, inversely, (2) how much power you accord the oughts. Let the snooty salesperson think that you’re a bum. So what? She’s just a salesperson, not St. Peter sitting before the pearly gates. It’s all a carefully-engineered act — a marketing rouse — to part you and your money. Even if it wasn’t, her beliefs about your net worth don’t actually influence your bank account. Making her think that you’re richer than you are will likely only make you poorer than you were. And the same goes for your mother-in-law, and your neighbour, and the annoying guy at your twenty year high school reunion.
As for love, the only thing you ought to do is find someone who is in agreement with this statement: blowing $40,000 on a two-year, self-aggrandizing celebration of a particular set of neurochemical reactions is just plain dumb.
Ya, I read that graphic and have to think it’s bogus. Relatively speaking, we are rather well off and don’t come close to spending 10K a year on our relationship! $160 dinners have to be for at least 3 people, in our books at least. To each their own, I guess.
I totally agree! Our dinners are usually $40, all in. But then, we don’t drink. That is where they get you.
I’m surprised they didn’t include the cost of birthday, Christmas/Hanukkah/Other religious holiday, and Valentine’s day gifts.
I’ve also seen sites calculate the cost of being single. The oughts are there regardless of someone’s relationship status.
If you have a love affair with consumerism, for sure! It’s twice as bad if both people in a couple are afflicted.
Fun fact: if these two people delayed all of this by 1 year and invested the $22,000 they would spend, before proceeding with their relentless attempts to dispose of all money within reach, they could have approximately $150,000 more (adjusted for inflation) when they reach retirement age. And that’s 2013 retirement age, not the 2063 retirement age which would give them even more time to benefit from compounding. I don’t know about you but that amount makes me feel pretty romantic. And the success of that investment is largely thanks to these uncontrollable desires.
I also feel pretty good about expensively-dressed salespeople dismissing me. Just like someone at a carnival they’re only thinking about how to quickly pick out the fools who can be separated from their money (or even better, someone else’s money). I would rather deal with someone who is more efficient or come back to the salesperson when they are desperate to sell a few more units to get a bonus so they can pay off their credit card.
Ahh, but what about instant gratification? LOL! You are very right, of course.
“Have you ever walked into a fancy store, only to have the salesperson look you up and down and turn away?” – Versus going to a car lot and being harassed by multiple salespeople at once? That’s how you can get your mojo back if the boutique doesn’t pay you any mind.
Lol! If I ever start to feel overlooked, I will remember that. Although I hate being swarmed by salespeople more than anything, as far as retail experiences go.
We have a wonderful guest bedroom–once we turf one of children out of it and make that child double up with their sibling for a couple of nights. Personally I can’t see why I’d want an even bigger house, I have enough trouble getting motivated to clean it as it is. (Oh, that’s right, I’m supposed to pay a service to clean, right?! I think cleaning staff are absolutely wonderful IF you are working and can afford someone. On our low budget, that’s just not happening.)
It’s pretty worrying how very young women are being sold this idea that “spending = love” and that marriages have to be over-the-top extravaganzas. But everything from soap operas to magazines keep pitching these crazy ideas. The love and commitment factors don’t even seem to rate a mention.
I have to confess, we have a cleaning lady, who comes twice a month. We both work full time, and with a toddler on our hands, we have learned the importance of prioritizing our time. We are fortunate to be able to afford it, though. But I get you on the extra cleaning that comes with a bigger house. And the extra clutter that always seems to accumulate! I need an extra bedroom like a fish needs a bicycle
I think your cleaning service is money well spent. You are already working, and it fits your budget. Your marriage will also be stronger for it.
Wow, $45k to be in love. That should scare almost anyone away from love! True love doesn’t need a ring (but you will never be forgiven if you do not buy her one) or a large expensive wedding. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered why a young couple doesn’t take the $20k or so spent on a wedding and use that a a down payment on a home instead? We had a very small wedding, no reception and made our vacation to St Thomas our Honeymoon (you have to splurge a little, lol). We’re going on year 9, so I guess we are kind of living proof that you don’t have to spend a lot to be in love.
Totally agree! We didn’t have a small wedding because we caved in to family expectations, but if I could do it again, I would totally elope. But think of the poor wedding industry! They would be out of business with people like you and me. Breaks your heart, no?
Absolutely it breaks my heart. All those unemployed wedding planners would have to find something else to do for a living…Oh my?