“Being Cheap” is a post by Adina J, TimelessFinance columnist and author of Blue collar / Red lipstick. |
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My in-laws and I don’t see eye to eye on many things. This is practically a requirement given the nature of our familial ties, so it barely warrants an eyebrow raise. Most of the things we disagree on are mundane — child-rearing, relationships (mine with their son, to be precise), and other things I won’t bore you with. In a different category altogether is our on-going difference of opinion as to the definition of “being cheap”.
To understand the fundamental nature of our disagreement, you have to know that “being cheap” is, in my in-laws’ catalogue of social sins, one of the worst. When they affix the label to someone, it’s not merely a non-compliment; it’s an indictment. Being cheap means “losing face” within one’s social circle. It’s different, and infinitely worse, than being poor. Being cheap means having no self-respect – or, rather, no respect for others’ expectations and impressions of you. The worst part, though, is being cheap when you can afford not to be.
Needless to say, I don’t consider myself as being cheap. Frugal? Maybe. Although anyone who has read my blog might consider that debatable. To me, being cheap means sacrificing quality for the sake of some insignificant savings. Being cheap is the opposite of a wealth-building strategy, because it generally focuses on mostly irrelevant minutiae. Trent Hamm is the patron saint of cheapness. But as annoying as it might be for other people, being cheap is not an inherently evil thing in my books. As long as no one expects me to count their pennies for them, their cheapness doesn’t offend me in the least. (Which is probably a good thing, considering that, if I were to get offended every time someone made a decision I considered stupid … well, let’s just say I would be living in a state of perpetual rage.)
My in-laws’ notion of cheapness is different, though. What my affinal kin consider “cheap” is actually my complete disregard for what others think and expect of me – and my wallet. I will happily spend money on the things that are important to me and just as happily spend no money at all on things that are not important to me … even if other people think they ought to be. It bothers me not at all if someone wants to judge my “success at life” based on the fact that my husband and I share a seven year-old family wagon we bought second-hand. (Hey, at least it’s not a minivan, amirite? Or, you know, costing us hundreds of dollars a month in financing.) Or that I haven’t been anywhere outside of North America since 2005. Or that my my cell phone might as well have a dial. Or that, more often than not, my clothes come courtesy of fine establishments like Goodwill. It also doesn’t bother me (or flatter my ego) when someone wants to judge me based on my designer bags, or the fact that I only buy the very best toilet paper and subscribe to premium cable. (Joe, I am never giving it up, so quit trying to convert me.) (Editor Joe’s Note: saying it doesn’t make it right: cut your cable! And the Wood household has very nice toilet paper. I just stock up when it’s on sale.) The bottom line is this: I don’t buy things based on what other people think is appropriate for my “station in life”. And I don’t think that makes me cheap.
Being frugal might not be a virtue, but it’s a sure-fire way to get richer – not richer than our entrepreneurial peers, but definitely richer than you would be if you were an irresponsible spender. Not all people who are frugal are also cheap; the two are not synonymous, although you might be hard-pressed to realize that reading some PF blogs. (Editor Joe’s Note: at TF, we try to read aspirational blogs that aren’t only about “playing defense”– even if we don’t always achieve their higher standards.) Maybe it’s my innate aversion to extremes of any sort but I think that going too far in either direction (cheapness masquerading as hyper-frugality, or recklessness disguised as liberality) is ill-advised. Ask yourself what the purpose of your action is. Is it to show off the wealth that you have (or, more likely, the wealth you would like other people to think you have)? Is it to save some infinitesimal fraction of money, usually at the expense of another person’s comfort or well-being? Is it to win some imaginary contest about who can be the most hard-core – whether at saving or spending money? If you answer yes to any of these questions, you might want to re-think your motivations. My advice: don’t fetishize money, either the saving or the spending of it. But if you must, please — don’t make us watch.
I’m with you. I hate being called cheap because I feel I make decisions to maximize my enjoyment in life. If I save X dollars on “product A”, I then have said same X dollars extra to spend on “thing I enjoy B”. It’s simple math really.
I’ll almost never buy an inferiour product though to save money though. It’s all about getting exactly what you want for as little money as possible.
“It’s all about getting exactly what you want for as little money as possible.”
This! And as I always say: the retail price is simply a challenge – to see how much cheaper I can get that item. Legally, of course
“I will happily spend money on the things that are important to me and just as happily spend no money at all on things that are not important to me … even if other people think they ought to be. ”
This is my mantra! And by “important to me” I aim for spending money in areas that brings me happiness. It’s hard to predetermine which purchases will bring you happiness though!
My income has increased pretty dramatically in the last 3 years (basically doubling) and so far I’ve been saving the extra money rather than increasing my spending, but I’d like to try to offset some of the quality of life decrease caused by my ever increasing workload by spending a portion of this extra income wisely.
Trying to spend it on something that will make me happier is becoming a challenge. I don’t want to end up Scrooge McDuck, considered “cheap”and swimming in my savings.
A new house? Not in this market. A new car? I only drive once a month. So..Original art? Plastic surgery? Lavish vacations? Vintage champagnes? A closet of bespoke suits?
Every one of those purchases goes against my frugal nature and would come with buyers remorse enough to offset any pleasure. So I save my money. And give more to charity (and a friend who has become homeless in the last year).
I just hope I never become Trent Hamm.
Have you ever thought of hiring a house cleaner if you don’t have one already. That’s one of the easiest ways to get some more enjoyment in a busy life. As your workload increases, finding ways to delegate that to others for decent pay is one of the best decisions you can make so you still have time for the things you enjoy most.
Excellent suggestion, and I’ll look for ways to outsource. I’m a very retentive person (a tax accountant by trade who works at an insurance company..yeah I know) so I’m a neat freak but I also pay for a cleaner who comes once a month and does an awesome job with the scrubbing/mopping.
One item that this brings to mind however is a personal trainer. Since I go to the gym on my own I just do what I feel up to that day, I should be outsourcing this task to an expert. Does anyone know any stats on the happiness return for personal trainers? I’ll have to google that.
Have you started to go swimming in your underwear? Counting toilet paper?
If you’re still reading this site, my guess is that you’re not in Hamm-ster territory. I’m sure that Joe can put together a short quiz that can answer the question “am I turning into Trent Hamm?”; anyone fearful for their faculties can take the quiz every 3 months or so
If I thought what people thought of my actions I wouldn’t be where I am today. You have to be comfortable living and shouldn’t care what others think.
I am all for getting the best value and persue that every day. One thing I guard against is letting a scarcity mindset take hold.
Absolutely. If one’s only goal in life is to hoard cash, there’s a danger of missing out on opportunities (personal and financial).
I agree absolutely with your piece. Nobody wants to be called cheap. Yes, a person may be thrifty but not cheap. I would rather describe it as being practical. Times continue to be difficult so we all need to practice some form of thriftiness. However, it does not mean that one has to give up quality for unimportant savings. I am for economizing but not to the point of being cheap and being criticized by my peers and people who know me.