“Responsibility Fatigue: Why Being Mature is a Lonely Lifestyle” is a post by freelance writer and TimelessFinance contributor Adina J. |
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You have probably heard of “debt fatigue”; it’s an affliction of the perpetually-in-debt, which is generally believed to result in more debt. I have the opposite problem. From time to time, I come down with a bad case of “responsibility fatigue”.
Being the only child of high-achieving parents who are completely unaccustomed to the notion of cutting someone slack, you might say that a strong sense of personal responsibility was my destiny. Hand-in-hand with that came, not surprisingly, financial responsibility. I can’t remember a time when I did anything except the responsible thing with my money. One of the mementos of my youth is an ATM receipt from the first day that my bank account hit the $1,000 mark; I was 19 at the time, and I never looked back. I don’t precisely recall how old I was when I first got my first credit card (20 or 21 would be my guess), but I do know that I have never carried a balance on it, or on any other of my cards. I’ve never bought anything I couldn’t afford, and I’ve always saved at least 10% of my net income. Now, you’re probably thinking that I’m an insufferable goody-two-shoes. You might have a point … but, in my defence, I really can’t help it. See above.
As you might expect, doing all (or most) of the right things has served me well. I’m on track to retire at a reasonable age, without the prospect of becoming a financial drain on my hapless child. I have a comfortable lifestyle and, importantly, peace of mind. Most of the time, I am pretty happy with my lot. And then, every so often, responsibility fatigue sets in. I get cranky; I get whiny. It’s all terribly undignified. And it all has to do with not keeping up with the Joneses.
Jones is not their real family name, but you already figured that. They could be anybody, but most recently, they were a lovely couple in our circle of acquaintances. They are the very picture of a middle-class success story: beautiful home in a good neighbourhood (gutted and renovated from top to bottom), new SUV, designer pets, big engagement rock, top-of-the-line home theater system, his-and-hers iPhones – name any “must-have” consumer good, and chances are they have it. I don’t know much about their financial situation, but I do know that together they make, at most, about as much as I do, and quite possibly less. Their financial wizardry in making their income appear to stretch about three times further than mine is what makes me turn to my husband in frustration and ask: “How do they do it?” And that’s not the green-eyed monster talking. I am entirely indifferent when it comes to the majority of our society’s most covetable “toys” – whether they are cars or iGadgets. I’ll covet your European vacation before I covet your granite countertops. I also don’t believe in comparing apples to oranges; I don’t get enraged over the spending habits of millionaires because, well, I personally don’t have millions to spend.
What it comes down to is this: the Joneses (who are seemingly legion in number these days) violate the most fundamental tenets of the philosophy handed down to me from my forbearers – all actions have consequences, and hard work is the key to success. In the Joneses’ universe, consequences have been put on indefinite deferral, and the trappings of success come at the cost of minimal effort. This is fantastic for the Joneses, but you can see why it makes me feel like a total sucker. The longer the era of unlimited credit goes on, the more I start to question whether personal responsibility is a remotely useful trait or, like a vestigial limb, a redundant relic of another age. The unfairness of it is galling; all my life I’ve played by the rules I was told governed the complex operations of society, not least of all the distribution of wealth, only to have those rules scrapped mid-point in the game. What, then, is my – or anyone’s – incentive to be responsible? The hypothetical reward of a comfortable retirement twenty or thirty years down the line? Who knows what the economic and social landscape will look like then, and whether any of us will be a part of it – there are so many intangibles to be factored in. (And what if aliens land on earth in the meantime? How’s that for throwing one’s retirement planning for a loop?)
And the question of incentive is important. I don’t wish ill of the Joneses. Should they suffer a reversal of fortune, I won’t be rejoicing; I will even abstain from an “I told you so”. But the point is that things have to change – and not only because, at some point, even the government won’t be able to create enough money out of thin air to satiate the demand for frangible *crap* [Editor Joe's note: I just learned the word "frangible"]. Things have to change because a society premised on a complete disconnection between actions and consequences is doomed to fail in spectacular ways. Irresponsibility, like cancer, is difficult to isolate to only one area; it may start with a financial decision, but it likely won’t end there.
So, in my humble opinion, things have to change. But will they? Let’s not pretend the Joneses have any incentive to get the ball rolling. Does the government? Are the rest of us willing to put on our “bad guy” hats, and pull the plug on our neighbours’ decade-long credit extravaganza? Are we in a designer hand-basket headed straight for debtor hell?
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your article. I really don’t think the “Joneses” will change, I think if they had to they would go into shock!! As far as the government goes I don’t think they will change either. I guess all the rest of us can just keep on doing what we are by keeping on track with our finances, and hope that the rest of them will wake up!!
I often wonder the same: how can they do it and is it worth to be financially responsible?
It certainly does seem like we have some backwards financial rules these days… it’s like throwing something and seeing it fall up. Actually that’s a pretty good metaphor for negative real interest rates
On the other hand I’ve read things that suggest people had similar thoughts about the 60s, 70s, 80, 90s, and 2000s, for different reasons each decade. I don’t think that negates the rewards of being responsible.
You’ll always hear about the person who wins the lottery but not the ones who based their financial plan on winning the lottery and only get $2.50 worth of recyclable paper. Anyone can pretend for a few years but if you look at who’s done well over 30-50 years (or even multiple generations) you can see what really is rewarding.
Another jujitsu/karate/MMA move on irresponsibility is to ask yourself if the happiest people seem to have his&hers iphones and if people with his&hers iphones seem to be happier than everyone else. This is something else where people can hide the truth but if you think about it a bit you can see through that too. Yes you could go out and buy all that stuff next week, but if you have better uses for your money why would you?
Finally you can do your own bit of living in the future in a responsible way. If you’ve thought through what you want to do when you’ve saved up enough, chances are you can do some of it in some form now. Instead of borrowing money from the future and spending it now, borrow goals and actions from the future and do them now. As someone wiser said recently, financial freedom/higher income/passive income/megabucks will generally give you more of what you have now so you might as well get the present right and have the motivation of earning more of that. Of course if your highest goal in life is to live year-round in the biggest suite on a cruise ship or you’re in an emergency like having unpaid credit card debt, that might not apply so well…
To mix metaphors, someone might be cheating to win the race but if they’re running on the wrong track it doesn’t help them. And if you’re on the right track you can enjoy the scenery since winning is only one moment in time.
I will note that, while I truly believe a healthy meritocracy will always produce “winners” and “losers”, our unique capitalist/corporatist state is producing a lot more money chumps than ever before. Would you believe that the Canadian savings rate, at the beginning of the 1980s, was 20%?
TWENTY FREAKING PERCENT.
That’s basically enough to satisfy my plea that the average person max out their RRSPs and use the rebate/remaining savings to max out their TFSA each year.
It really is ‘different this time’. But that’s not to say our housing market is.
Oh, I believe there are a lot more misguided people now
I’m still not joining them though. It might work out for them… but I would rather guarantee that myself than hope for a competent and benevolent government.
Grumbles at Joe for making me feel the need to look up frangible.
I frequently have battles with my green eyed monster. I imagine the Joneses do too. I just remind myself that I don’t have debt anymore and make myself wait til I have cash for whatever at which point I’ve usually decided I don’t need it.
lol but now you know the definition. And knowledge is power.
BTW, I think you’ll love my article tomorrow. It’s a hilarious juxtaposition to this article, in that it’s all about me trying to spend money on a frivolous consumer product.
I think Plato’s allegory of the cave and the red pill / blue pill stories are applicable here
TimelessFinance is the red pill that offers enlightenment to prisoners of consumerism. I like it.