BP #24 – Control Your Cash is a Cool Blog

///Control Your Cash is a Cool Blog///

Greg of Control Your Cash mentioned TF as one of the few personal finance blogs worth reading. I can’t understate that this is a huge honour, as Control Your Cash is one of my favourite blogs; he’s seriously the funniest writer I know. In ironic honour of his hatred for the banal popularity contest into which personal finance blogging has devolved, I have Search Engine Optimized this blog post to give Control Your Cash maximum Google cred. If you don’t believe me, check the meta tags. Also buy his book cause it’s good.

///Technorati Claim Token///

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Don’t mind this. I need to put my token in a blog post to claim it on Technorati.com which is almost as cool as being on Control Your Cash.

///The Movie Project///

I asked my partner to acquire the film “Wall Street”. We ended up watching “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps” because I “failed to explain there were two movies”. Fair enough. But if you didn’t see this latest installment in theatre, be forewarned: it’s awful.

Kids running around blowing bubbles? Is this what passes for symbolism nowadays? Oliver Stone, if you smack us across the face with symbolism, it doesn’t count. Why did you need to literally explain the dried Dutch tulips on the apartment wall? Bigger question: why would you have Gordon Gekko explain the Dutch tulip bubble to an Ivy League-educated Wall Street investment banker??

Did Coppola make Vito Corleone say to his son, “Michael. The color orange. It’s Italian for death. When people eat an orange it means they will die.” No, he didn’t. That’s what makes symbolism good. Pretentious people who are ”in the know” can chuckle to themselves. The masses remain clueless. Jokes aren’t funny when you need to explain them — same thing goes for inside jokes. George Lucas may pillage his franchises for money, but he’s great at hiding the Wilhelm scream.

This is why you peaked in the 80s, Oliver. JFK was a stupid film that dug up painful lies about American history. Save yourself frustration and read Control Your Cash instead.

///Catherine a.k.a. Catniss a.k.a. HollyWood a.k.a. Nyan Cat a.k.a. Catie (the latter is only if you ask my Grandma)///

If possible, parents should wait until a newborn is 4 – 6 weeks old before giving the baby a pacifier. Cat is 7 weeks, so we decided to start using it, after reviewing safety literature. Here’s one incredible safety tip I found: “Do not dip [pacifier] in syrup or honey. Honey can lead to botulism, which is a type of food poisoning.” They’re seriously letting anybody have kids these days. Note that I won’t let her start reading Control Your Cash until she’s at least 2 months. Greg sometimes says mean things.

She’s very good at following voices. Sometimes to the extent that I’m concerned about her neck!

///Mentions///

• Sir BCM expressed his confusion about my July 2012 goals post. What’s to be confused about? I set a goal, then I usually fail to achieve it, and then I put it on my next month’s goals list! Easiest blog post EVER.

///Amendments and Addenda///

I dedicate this song to Fonestar, who learned this week how difficult it is to enlighten me. He challenged me on my ancient article “Common Cents #3 – Gold Bugs“. I’ve since learned from Control Your Cash that any pun based on “sense” vs “cents” is incredibly lame and he’s right. But the content of the original article stands: gold and silver just aren’t investments, let alone good ones. Fonestar has decided it’s prudent to have a portfolio of 75% silver and 25% gold. Well, at least he practices what he preaches.

///Tweet(s) of the Week///

This explains, perfectly, why cat people are so depressing: latimes.com/news/science/l…

— TimelessFinance (@TimelessFinance) July 8, 2012

The link is to a news story that describes a recent study. It turns out that a parasite commonly carried by cats (and thus by cat people because they spend a lot of time with cats) increases the risk of women committing suicide. I’ve had a deep-seated distrust of cats for years, specifically because of this parasite. In fact, I hate cats. But the real question is: does Greg from Control Your Cash like cats? More on this pressing issue in the Links section below.

@cycash you just wrote the greatest blog post I have ever read: controlyourcash.com/2012/07/06/gue…

— TimelessFinance (@TimelessFinance) July 7, 2012

If you’re into personal finance blogs at all, you’ll laugh. That is, unless you’re one of the ladies he’s lampooning. Control Your Cash is not one to mince words. OK, he’s mean (*gasp*). But he’s right. If you’re going to widely broadcast your excessive spending, turn your nose up at frugality, stay in debt, and call yourself a PerFi blogger, somebody’s going to call you on it. Bad luck that it’s somebody as brilliant as Control Your Cash.

If you’re wondering why I’m on the internet at bizarre times, you don’t have a baby.

— TimelessFinance (@TimelessFinance) July 8, 2012

 

///Keyword Fun///

Money-Smart Keyword Award goes to:

perfect smart cash card

The other day, I described my MBNA Smart Cash MasterCard to a cashier as ”the perfect credit card”. I really hope that this search was her.

Money-Stupid Keyword Award goes to:

how to buy florida condo remotely

Yeah, GOOD IDEA. Buy an investment property sight-unseen! I’ve got some condos in Toronto to sell you, too.

lol awesome. Keyword Award goes to:

wolf blanket curtains 

When doing this weekly review, I need to wade through dozens of “Is mint.com safe?”-related searches and a plethora of other poorly spelled keywords. “wolf blanket curtains” is the kind of search that makes it worthwhile.

Trite Anti-Toronto Response Award goes to:

“Too much for the slowest alleged ‘rocket’ in the world.” In response to the search:

how much does a roll of ttc tokens cost

Notably Missing Keyword Award goes to:

Control Your Cash

///YouTube///

The following hillarious vignette is mildly NSFW, like Control Your Cash.

As you know, I’ve been extolling the virtues of liberal gun ownership laws in recent posts. Here’s a modern day dueler who has won FOUR gun fights and killed FIVE robbers, all in self-defense.

Oh, and in case you were interested, I started a Youtube playlist of songs that anger my partner. lol.

///Links///

1. Toxoplasmosis is a for-real, for-serious parasite. Cats don’t just ask for cheeseburgerz in an adorable fashion, you see. They also infect you with a parasite called toxoplasma gondii. Cats are the ideal host for this parasite, so when it’s not in a cat, the parasite tries to get into cats. How does it do this? You’re going to think I’m nuts: mind control. Toxoplasmosis has been proven (I am not kidding, look this up) to affect the behaviour of rats and mice. How? Instead of fearing cat pee, as a rational rat would do to avoid getting eaten, a rat infected with toxoplasmosis is attracted to cat urine. It literally exhibits extremely dangerous, suicidal behaviour because its mind is controlled by a parasite.

The parasite affects humans, too, as proven by the Danish study (referenced in the Twitter area). Infected women are almost twice as likely as non-infected women to successfully kill themselves. The rate of toxoplasmosis infection varies significantly among different national populations. Risk-averse behaviour (again, on a national scale) is inversely correlated with toxoplasmosis infection rate. This parasite literally affects human behaviour on a global scale. Yet very little research is being done on the subject. I blame cats. Unless the cats have already infiltrated the Illuminati and are operating the Bilderberg Group. In which case I, for one, welcome our new feline overlords! But seriously, you don’t understand how much I hate cats. Remember: cats don’t only Control Your Cash. They control your mind.

2. Buy term, not whole life insurance. Here’s an article from Moneyville.ca that’s yet another testament to this truth. I don’t recall reading the thoughts of Control Your Cash on this issue.

3. Good news. Ontario cops can now come on to your property without suspecting any crime or the presence of a criminal, knock on your door, refuse to identify themselves (these cops were in plain clothes), refuse to leave, and beat the $#!T out of you. Oh yeah, and the piggly wigglies can refuse an investigative interview (a right that one of the two involved officers exercised), and they can refuse to turn over their notes. Seems like cops are very effective crooks! Welcome to socialism and its right arm, the police. And I’m sure the Ontario Government and its spineless OIPRD sit idly by, just like they did when Kitchener’s worst arrested and strip searched a father because his daughter drew a gun. No wonder the police beat protesters and arrested innocent citizens without cause during the G20. Sure, they’re dumb hippies, but they have rights. People like Control Your Cash say controversial things every day. We’re the thinkers that move the world forward. Thank a devil’s advocate for once. See you all in the Thought Crime Re-education Camp!